"How Terribly Strange to be 70."
Is it? Not at all! (A lot of other things are, though.)
I was recently reminded of this old Simon & Garfunkel tune.
'Old Friends. Bookends.'
There's this line in it.
"How terribly strange to be 70."
It got me thinking.
I recently celebrated my 70th birthday, you see.
It does seem a bit ... startling? to have reached this advanced age.
Which at one time sounded so ancient!
& now, here I am!
Wherever did all those years go???
As it turns out, it's really not very strange at all.
After all, I'm still me.
Still the essential Janet!
And, since I got here one day at a time, & one year at a time
Now that I'm here, it really doesn't seem terribly strange after all.
'cos, as I said, I'm still me!
Whatever changes have happened, they've come gradually, & I've adjusted to them gradually too.
So yes, I have changed over the years.
But here I still am, still me inside this same old head.
& I got here one day at a time!
Sure. I have less energy than I used to.
Which kind of sucks.
But there you are – not much I can do about it, really.
I'm not 23 anymore!
Though I don't feel 70 ... whatever 70 supposedly feels like.
I have learned quite a lot over all these years.
So, there's that!
Here are a few odds & ends of useful things I've picked up in my 7 decades:
Life definitely does not turn out in accordance with our careful plans! Well, no shit, eh??
It's chockfull of surprises! Shocks. Unexpected detours. Finding oneself on the wrong road.
“No matter how far you’ve gone down a wrong road, TURN BACK!” – Source unknown
The right road!
That happiness is an inside job. I'm in charge of my own. We all are! In fact, the only "real estate" we are ever really in control of, is what lies between our own ears.
I've learned to make peace with things I cannot change. (Not saying that comes easy. But ... it comes.)
& to live with the fact that I've made plenty of mistakes. (Happily, I’ve done a decent amount of good stuff, too!)
That it is quite alright to allow myself to really feel my feelings. Sometimes sadness. Or grief. Anger. Occasional despair. Joy! Exhilaration. Feelings, & moods, come & go. The "bad" ones will pass. More quickly, actually, if I allow myself to really feel them. An important lesson...
To call a spade a spade.
That appearances are not what's important in life.
To care much less what other people think of me. (It's more important that I love & accept myself.)
That the "small" things in life are actually really the BIG ones!
“Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.
& that it’s wise to actively appreciate these supposedly "small" things.
To, in fact, make a regular habit of practicing active gratitude. Since it's utterly transformative! (I've written about that a lot. & compiled a great list of related posts & quotations. Which you can find here.)
To live with the discomfort of seeing an awful lot of people fall off pedestals I never should have put them on in the first place. Sigh.
& to have had an awful lot of illusions rudely shattered. About many things. (I'm sure we all have our own list. Mine has grown a lot in the past 3 years or so!)
That an awful lot of what we think we know is just propaganda we’ve been fed all our lives. PR phrases like “safe and effective,” for example. We’ve been hornswoggled up the wazoo! All our lives. Ugh. (Sometimes the truth is really not very pretty.)
That drama is much too exhausting. Oh, how we humans love our dramas!?
To value my friendships with women. Hugely.
To recognize that some of the most important qualities or habits I value (e.g. compassion. Non-judgment. Generosity of spirit. Living in the moment) are not things that are always just there. Automatic. They take endless practice & repetition. I don't think one becomes suddenly "enlightened." But rather, I need to make a constant discipline of remembering to practice these things.
To learn that heartbreak is inevitable. Can't be avoided! It's a recurring ... occurrence. To somehow learn to roll with that. Shit happens! Quite a lot of it. How we deal with it can help make us grow.
That we can change! Growth is always possible. Healing. We're kind of in charge of that ourselves, though others can support us along the way. A favourite quotation on that score:
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” – Karen Kaiser Clark
& hey! I know we can change. I can prove it! For half my life I insisted on having the toilet paper roll out one way. Now, I have it go the other. Proof positive!!
That nobody is right all the time.
Nobody's wrong all the time, either!
Also, that we can learn from people with whom we may disagree (even vehemently!) on one issue or another … or in fact several! We can learn from everyone, pretty much. And also just "agree to disagree" on things we don’t agree about.
That sometimes lowering my expectations is wise. (e.g. this: I can't accomplish as much in a day, at 70, as I did in my younger days. Just gotta make peace with that!)
That there is in fact evil afoot in the world. Sadly. Quite a good deal of it, actually. Not a fun learning. In fact, it really sucks! (This goes along with losing one’s illusions. One’s innocence.) Took me far too long to really get this. You know, right down in my guts. Slow learner. Reluctant learner.
“The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” – Albert Einstein
“Evil thrives on apathy and cannot exist without it.” – Hannah Arendt
Speaking of which...
Denial is a very powerful force in the world. In our lives. Failure to connect the dots (perhaps even desire to connect the dots?) appears to be epidemic. Or maybe pandemic.
Human beings will disappoint you sometimes. It's inevitable. You will very likely disappoint yourself at times! Might as well just be honest enough to admit it. (Hell, our species disappoints me. Quite a lot.)
Regrets? I have my fair share. No point wallowing in them, though. Life goes on!
One more thing about change? The only thing that never changes is ... things are always changing!
Happily, too, I've learned that some things in life are quite magical!
For me, these include:
Walking
“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day, I walk myself into a state of well-being...I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.” – Soren Kierkegaard
“Walking is a man's best medicine.” – Hippocrates
“I will tell you what I have learned myself. For me, a long five or six mile walk helps. And one must go alone and every day. I have done this for many years. It is at these times I seem to get re-charged. … My explanation of it is that when I walk in a carefree way, without straining to get to my destination, then I am living in the present. And it is only then that the creative power flourishes.” – Brenda Ueland on walking & writing, in If You Want to Write – A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit
** Find more great quotes about walking here.
Motherhood / grandmotherhood
Friendship / loved ones / even simple friendliness!
Books / reading / libraries
Conversation (it's the WDKE!)
Music
Nature
Truth. & truth-telling. (You can find some great quotations about truth here.)
Doing good stuff for other people
Ahhhhh.....
To make peace with some hard things.
Death comes to us all!
I cannot "save the world."
Trying to help other people, e.g. with important (even life-saving) information, just doesn't always work out. Sadly.
Sometimes, we have to put on our own oxygen mask, metaphorically speaking. I wrote an essay about that in September 2021. Put On Your Oxygen Mask!
To surrender. This is a hard one – I've been practicing it a lot lately.
Well.
I could go on here. I've learned boatloads of things by now!
About life. The world. Love. Motherhood. Friendship. Insights gained from three decades as an environmental activist. Etc.
But ... enough already.
...........
For the record, I was going to add a section on things that really ARE strange. Especially in the past 3 years or so.
But likely everyone reading this is all too aware, as I am, that the world has become a truly, truly, truly strange place.
Clown world
Bizarro world
Dumpster fire!
Things now seem entirely upside down, inside out & backwards.
Utterly mad, really.
What a ride. It's exhausting!
Ai-yi-yi.
So let's just leave that for another day.
Or you know .... not, as the case may be.
Listen.
Let’s all just do our best to be good humans.
Another line in that old Simon & Garfunkel song?
“Preserve your memories. They’re all that’s left us.”
Maybe preserving our sanity is all that’s left us, at this point. Hang onto it! Hang on hard…
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
One moment at a time...
Thanks for sharing the Whole Darn Karmic Enchilada!
And congratulations for surviving the first seven decades of life.
May the world this day be happier and better because you live.